So I took a long look at myself recently. I. Talking about a 2 month long look. It seemed like I had reached a point of reflection that pulled me into a continuous cycle of questions. These questions only led to other questions that I could not definitively answer. Some were very vague and I couldn't figure out why.
You see spiritually we are often placed in a pause that can only be undone by revelation. These revelations are contigent on "ah ha" moments. Those moments come about as we maneuver through life. They can not be rushed or forced. They are intrinsically motivated to bring us to where we need to be in order to fully understand the "ah ha".
I got so frustrated with wanting to know the answer that I didn't see it was what I hadn't experienced was actually the obstacle. I had to let the universe unveil the smaller parts so that I could fully understand the answers. If the entire thing had been given to me then I wouldn't have understood its magnitude. The relation to my path and purpose would not have been interleaved into its core meaning. I had to pray and meditate a lot. I had to not only desire clarity but ability to recieve its meaning.
Well, eventually I got what I was asking for and let me tell you all that what you seek in life may not be what you expect or what you agree with inside. It's like spending days on working on a project and getting horrible results upon its completion. Results that you yourself are not in disagreement with because you know every step you executed in the process of getting it done.
In order to deal with this I had to have balance. I didn't want to tip the scale of self worth to a place I couldn't come back from. We have a tendency to knock oursleves down repeatedly. It stops us from moving forward in life. I think they call it Imposter Syndrome. I had to avoid that. I had to have balance in my spiritual eye. Having balance in what you view about yourself helps you and guides you. I noticed when other people speak about diving in and analyzing ourselves they leave out the ugly stuff. They make it seem like it's all beautiful sky's and unicorns when in actuality we unveil Trauma, bad coping mechanisms, bad associations, bad habits, and wrongful evil ways. I mean it, you are not this glorious picture of light and love all the time. You may strive for it and accomplish it to some degree but that requires a life long maintaince plan of the spirit.
That is why I do it so often. I do not consider myself any type of guru by any means but I am a spiritual artist whose words are heard from time to time. I have to be careful and purposeful about anything that I say or teach. My purpose is not to harm but to enlighten. To make you aware of you and your presence. To give you what you may need in that moment to help you better understand your "ah-ha". True artists are vessels and that is not an assignment to be taken lightly.
I travel through life at the pace that is appropriate for my path. We all do. The more I understand what is required for me to move forward the more balanced I become. The more balanced I become the more experiences I can identify. The more experiences I can identify the more meaning every revelation I have about me can be recieved. I mean really embodied. Nothing surface level just raw uncut facts about who I am.
I think overall its wonderful but man it's some work.