Life is interesting. A sequence of moments that last for an undetermined length. These moments can be wonderful as well as heartbreaking. They can be encouraging or they can defeat you.
Recently I have endured some heartbreaking moments. This entire 2020 has been filled with pure dismay. Still I have maintained some form of balance. I found myself reaching out into emptiness. Desiring a replacement for my pain. I would have accepted anything in order to pull me away from what I wanted. My desires huant me. They remind me of limitations, weakness, and vulnerability. They tell me through subconscious actions what I can not have. Its just a very vicious game life unleashes on us all. Our human self operates through these repetitious desires yet it is our spirit that that takes the brunt of its casualties. I dont want to play this game anymore. I just want to live as I see fit. I want to relax in the warmth organic connection. Not fear the end of it. I want to embrace the current of my own evolution. Not be forced into the transformation. There are so many aspects to life. There are so many options on what it is and how its supposed be. What I see in my life is restriction that forces me to navigate in work arounds. My deepest and most sincere forms of happiness are narrowed down from two to one thing. I will hold that close to me. I will not throw the dice of life to play any of its games. Not with this. I've already lost too much.