It's a certain feeling that you get when your emotions are cycling. Its a momentum that carries you faster than you would like to go and all you can do is put your feet down to the ground and hope that you can stop yourself. I described this once as a continuous fight to maintain peace. Then I was asked why are you fighting what you should expect?
I had to think about that. I had to ponder and sit in that. Life is full of unexpected events so ironically that is what should be expected each day of our physical lives. Still this didnt really answer the question nor did it give purpose to it for me. However it made me stop and think. I then realized there is more to life than what we should or should not expect. Its our reaction to what it gives us. We either perpetuate it, slow it down or stop it completely. Depending on the circumstance good or bad this is what happens. I walk a spiritual path. One of enlightenment and connection. On the other side of that coin is life and its unexpected ways. How I professed to deal with this was to write but even that has its limits in functionality.
If you are caught in the momentum you can not focus enough to write. You have to place your feet on the ground first. You have to stop it. I had to stop it just long enough to write this very blog entry. I had to cut the rope that dragged me through the days of the week tearing the skin off of my body. I had to break the chains of lies that prevented me from reaching for the exit. I had to ask for guidance and strength from God. My feelings of neglect, separation, hopelessness, frustration, rage, confusion, sorrow and hurt had to stop. If only for the moment it took me to write something. To write this. To speak to any soul being carried by a similar momentum of life. The kind that doesn't end well. The kind that just ends. I havent just been there. I am there. Screaming at the top of lungs for you to hear me. I have to write. I have to create or my purpose to be here will no longer be mine to carry. That is what I can not allow. I will write again. I promise. I will write again.